To Tezukasan with LUUUUV
by ChaChaChar
Summary: It all started with a love letter and will probably end with Tezuka being mentally scarred for life. Fuji is having way too much fun while the rest make bets on how much longer it will be before their beloved buchou cracks. Ii data.
1. Start

DISCLAIMER: I don't own it... leave me alone.

**TO TEZUKA-SAN WITH LUUUUV**

By: Chachachar

21.08.04

**CHAPTER I: Start**

_Dear Tezuka-san,_

_Hi... okay that's just a lame way to start... Sorry, never wrote one of these before. Well, actually I did but then Sohma Yuki-san took one glance and promptly chucked it. He never spoke to me again... broke me heart..._

_So what is this, exactly? Well, I suppose one could label it as a "love-letter"... you know one of those paper things that has a written confession of undying love from your female (and some male) worshippers... but see, since I can never seem to capture the same intensity of emotion that their letters seem to embody, I guess mine is a B-rate love letter._

_Oh well... at least I tried._

_Okay, here goes. I think I LIKE you Tezuka-san._

_And I think you'll make a very good boyfriend._

_With that poker face of yours we'll be an unbeatable poker doubles team. Okay, maybe not since I SUCK but like I said with a poker face as good as yours and sharp senses you'll be able to take back my loses. We'll have a blast._

_That's one of the reasons you'll be a good boyfriend. You'll be able to win me lots of money._

_Another reason is you don't talk much... if at all, which is great. I couldn't ask for more. _

_And you wear glasses and you're ambidextrous. _

_You have that "I-am-your-God"-commanding presence. It's really cool to see all those punks cower in front of a bespectacled skinny nerd boy. Heh. Even Mr. H, our Math teacher is afraid... That's awesome._

_You know, I have plenty of reasons why I think I like you..._

_Wait, I KNOW I like you. I like you because –_

"Crap, where is it?" She held the draft copy of the letter in her hand. She'd looked everywhere but the good copy was nowhere to be found.

She hadn't even decided whether to give it to him or not. She wasn't really sure if she wanted to be shot with a tennis ball going 200 kilometers per hour.

In any case she needed to find it. She was sure it was inserted in her Math text –

"Kabura-san, WHAT is THIS?" a deep –oh-so-familiar- voice echoed in the empty classroom. There was a reflection on the windowpane of a tall boy with glasses holding an –oh-so-familiar- piece of paper dressed in tennis gear.

A sweat trickled down her neck. She swallowed. Was that a glint she saw in the corner of her eye?

Aye, crappers...

A/N:

MWHAHA... I noticed that some Mary Sue fics are popping up and I've noted the... violent reactions of the fans. It was so amusing that I just HAD to do something (glasses glinting). This is supposed to be a one-shot at humor but now I'm itching to post the entire contents of the "love-letter". Anyone interested? Get your shot guns ready and all the Tezuka-shippers should bring extra load... just in case. XOXO

P.S. Please review!


	2. Rewind

DISCLAIMER: AIN'T MINE

**TO TEZUKA-SAN WITH LUUUUV**

**By: ChaChaChar**

**22.08.04**

**CHAPTER II: REWIND**

**20 MINUTES EARLIER...**

Blueberry yogurt for Calcium.

Liver for Iron.

Fresh orange juice for Vitamin C.

Two eggs for protein

A bunch of celery and a bit of spinach.

And lastly chicken broth for extra flavor.

Inui was satisfied with his new recipe. As per his habit when satisfied with a new accomplishment, he was briskly leafing through a book, glasses glinting.

"Atcha..." Fortunately for the textbook, Inui remembered it was not nice to hurt other people's belongings. Certainly, Chiharu would not appreciate having her textbook returned with its pages bent.

Not being able to resist, he bent the book one last time and let his thumb glide on the pages. A piece of paper, folded in half, flew out and fell gracefully on the ground just as Tezuka entered the clubroom.

After exchanging nods with the buchou, he picked up the paper and unfolded it. His eyes widened unnoticeably behind thick lenses as he skimmed through the first few lines. He did not bother reading the content carefully after realizing what the piece of paper was, who it was from and to whom it was intended. He DOES have a bit of respect for these people's privacy, after all.

But it really wouldn't hurt to help out. Isn't that what friends are for? He got up from the bench and approached Tezuka who was tugging his shirt down his head.

"Ne Tezuka, you're going to meet Ryuzaki-sensei in a bit, right?"

"Aa." The tennis buchou noticed nothing amiss.

"Saa, could you please return this to Chiharu? She should still be in your homeroom." Inui handed the text to him. Tezuka wordlessly looked at the proffered item. He took it with one hand and was a little surprised that it weighted more than it looked.

"Thanks. She left it in Chem. lab today, please remind her not to be so absentminded." Then, with a sense of fulfilling a duty, Inui placed the piece of paper, folded in half of course, in Tezuka's unoccupied hand. "And here's something addressed to you."

Before Tezuka could reply, the door clicked shut and he was alone.

Outside, Inui walked towards the courts, scribbling as he went.

"Ii data..."

**10.3 MINUTES...**

Tezuka left the clubroom dressed in tennis gear. He headed for the school building without a glance at the tennis courts, a Math textbook in his right hand and a piece of half folded paper in his left. He did not see the sun's glare reflecting off Inui's glasses.

**6.5 MIN...**

Tezuka straightened after putting on indoor shoes. Having decided to finish Inui's errand before meeting with the coach, he started towards the stairs leading to the 3rd floor. Homeroom was the destination.

Three steps up the first set of stairs, he became curios about the item in his left hand. He decided to multi-task to save time and unfolded the paper. He read its entire content.  
Half way up the last set of stairs, his legs stopped functioning completely. As he stared at the paper he was gripping a little too tightly, he worked things out in his head and many things did not connect. He stood there motionless and wondered if it was wise to reread the...letter.

Let no one call Tezuka Kunimitsu a chicken-shit.

He reread the words, slower this time...

_Dear Tezuka-san,_

_Hi... okay that's just a lame way to start... Sorry, never wrote one of these before. Well, actually I did but then Sohma Yuki-san took one glance and promptly chucked it. He never spoke to me again... broke me heart..._

_So what is this, exactly? Well, I suppose one could label it as a "love-letter"... you know one of those paper things that has a written confession of undying love from your female (and some male) worshippers... but see, since I can never seem to capture the same intensity of emotion that their letters seem to embody, I guess mine is a B-rate love letter._

_Oh well... at least I tried._

_Okay, here goes. I think I LIKE you Tezuka-san._

_And I think you'll make a very good boyfriend._

_With that poker face of yours we'll be an unbeatable poker doubles team. Okay, maybe not since I SUCK but like I said with a poker face as good as yours and sharp senses you'll be able to take back my loses. We'll have a blast._

_That's one of the reasons you'll be a good boyfriend. You'll be able to win me lots of money._

_Another reason is you don't talk much... if at all, which is great. I couldn't ask for more. _

_And you wear glasses and you're ambidextrous. _

_You have that "I-am-your-God"-commanding presence. It's really cool to see all those punks cower in front of a bespectacled skinny nerd boy. Heh. Even Mr. H, our Math teacher is afraid... That's awesome._

_You know, I have plenty of reasons why I think I like you..._

_Wait, I KNOW I like you. I like you because beautiful boys always surround you. Every time I see you on the courts with them, my little heart goes "doki-doki" and I can't help but think "Ahhh this is love" while I try to hold the blood back in my nose. _

_Ever since our first year, Oishi-san has always been with you. Even now, he remains faithful... errr, maybe "faithful" isn't proper with him being with Kikumaru-san and all... But then again, I can't really blame Oishi-san. Kikumaru-san is just too cute to resist and he's VERY flexible... Ooh-la-la. Still, a good portion of his loyalty belongs to you. _

_Then again, I really don't think you mind the fact that Oishi-san's devotion is now divided. I'm pretty sure having Fuji-san makes up for it plenty. Ah, my heart goes "doki-doki" by just thinking about it. Oops sorry about that blood stain. I'm pretty sure I don't have anything transmittable but I promise not to nosebleed anymore... well, I'll try._

_Ah, Fuji-san... If I didn't like you so much I'll probably be writing to him instead. I might not like him as much as you but I can't deny that he's uber sexy and he makes the perfect uke. I believe that Kawamura-san totally agrees with me. Hmm, then again..._

_But rest assured, I like you more. Yes, I do._

_And the fact that you're in VERY good terms with Sadaharu-kun makes my affections grow all the more. You're really an interesting person Tezuka-san... that you are. I can totally understand his obsession with you. In this respect, Sadaharu-kun and I are kindred spirits._

_I like you Tezuka-san, I really do... but I understand that I'm not the only one, and that's okay. Especially if the rest of your admirers are like Echizen-kun, Momoshiro-san and Kaido-san. I am willing to share you with them because they're special and you obviously favor them. And can you just imagine the ménage trios fun they'll have next year. Ah, it's too bad we won't be here..._

_It seems like it was just recently that I saw you being coy with Yamato-buchou underneath the Sakura trees. It was the day I fell for you. And for three years I have nurtured my feelings into a full-grown obsession. _

_If I was braver, I would have compared notes with Sadaharu-kun but alas he doesn't know I like you and I am too shy. _

_Our last year had finally come and our futures lay waiting. Before we take any steps further onto our paths, I've made up my mind to let my feelings be known now lest we never meet again. _

_So here it is Tezuka-san, a written proclamation of my affection._

_Let's get together some time... and I won't mind if the rest of the Tennis regulars come along too... not at all._

_With love,_

_Kabura Chiharu _

XOXO

**1 MIN...**  
His brain hurts. Never in his entire life had he experienced something like this. He could not singularly describe his current state as being upset or mad or horrified or murderous or confused... he was probably lost in a cauldron of all these things and then some.  
He was not especially close to Kabura Chiharu and did not know the girl beyond the classroom but the image of her in his mind did not quite fit with the girl projected by the letter.  
Wait, Inui was...friends...with Kabura. Could this be a product of Inui's dementia? ...His glasses were awfully shiny today.

But this was certainly feminine penmanship... then again; one must never underestimate Inui Sadaharu.

Gathering his resolve, he forcefully made it up the rest of the steps and stalked to homeroom.

Lots of things needed to be cleared up. He tried not to twitch.

**00:00:00...**

"Kabura-san, WHAT is THIS?" his voice was cold and level. He was proud that he managed to hold back the hysteria.

He found her in homeroom, her back turned to the doorway seemingly getting her things organized. Was it coincidence that the paper dangling in his left hand looked very similar to the paper in her right hand? Perhaps he was just being paranoid...

Cold dread washed over him as she froze stiffly. Her panicked image was reflected on the windowpane.

Perhaps not...

The "love-letter" slipped from his numb fingers and fluttered away.

Silence ticked by. Time was lost but nothing moved. She was still facing away from him, held frozen by panic with twenty million thoughts whirling in her head while he was rooted to the floor unable to move either from sheer horrification or catatonia... probably both.

And as if things were not mortifying enough...

"Anou, kore wa nanda?" One Fuji Syuusuke stood three and a half feet behind Tezuka, with blue eyes opened, holding the very cause of this nightmare.

A/N:

Haaaa, there you have the "love-letter" in its entirety. Mwha. Everyone got their shotguns ready? Good.

Please review!


	3. Play

DISCLAIMER: After all this time, it still ain't mine.

TO TEZUKA-SAN WITH LUUUUV 

**By: Chachachar**

**16.01.05**

**CHAPTER III: Play**

Oh Fuckity fuck fuck.

It was the only output her brain managed to produce while two pairs of eyes, one - a pair of sharp icy blue and the other - a pair behind lenses, brooding dark brown, concentrated on her; efficiently nailing her in place and paralyzing any movement.

She was well aware of what kind and how deep the shit she currently was in but that knowledge did not prevent her subconscious from hypothesizing on how she must look in front of two boys who were number one and two on her "Top Ten Most Obsessed Over Males" list.

Chiharu's subconscious described three possibilities.

A – Kabura Chiharu is a lunatic.

B – Kabura Chiharu is a fangirling lunatic.

C – Kabura Chiharu is a fangirling lunatic that must be shot. Thirteen times.

On one hand she was… nervous and embarrassed that none of the possibilities were positive. On the other hand she was… relieved. Since they already think negatively of her, whatever course of action she decided to take to get her out of her predicament, would not and could not make her look any worse. Therefore she was free to run full speed out the door, tackling Tezuka-buchou and tensai Fuji-san if they refused to remove themselves from the doorway, and sprint all the way home without having to worry about looking like a crazed fangirling lunatic that must be shot thirty-three times.

At the moment, that was the best plan that she could come up with. She admits that it was not the most brilliant idea but it will have to do if she wanted to extricate herself from the situation with the least damage done unto her, not counting the harm done to her image/reputation/dignity… THAT had been shattered to unidentifiable miniscule pieces precisely two minutes and forty-seven seconds ago.

Two minutes and forty-eight seconds… good, they're still immobile.

Two minutes and forty-nine seconds… she managed to regain control of her motor system.

Two minutes and fifty seconds… Iku wa yo!!

The loud clatter that the chair made as it was accidentally knocked over in her haste to grab her book bag must have startled Tezuka and Fuji into jumping out of the way as she bolted out of the classroom. Lucky! She didn't have to tackle both of them down after all.

YOSH! Her escape plan was a success… now she had to figure out how to deal with "it". She would have to come up with something more ingenious than doing a breakneck speed getaway every time they're within a six-meter radius – that just did not have a one hundred percent success rate… Oh shit!

Meanwhile, back in the classroom… there was still silence but now Tezuka was looking at Fuji and Fuji was looking at Tezuka. Fuji's eyes were still a sharp icy blue and Tezuka was still brooding.

Fuji looked away first and focused on the letter again. Tezuka itched to snatch that seemingly harmless paper away and… well, truthfully, he was not quite sure what he wanted to do with it.

"Saa, seems like Kabura-san likes you, Tezuka." The Tensai Trademark Smile was back on his face.

Tezuka never had a problem with the Tensai Trademark Smile… until now. There was just something about it…

"It seems like Kabura-san likes you too." He was not sure what kind of game Fuji was playing or even if Fuji WAS playing a game, but since Fuji's games usually involved sarcasm, sadism and a few more negative '-isms', he was careful not to include himself in them. Unfortunately, he had been stressed lately, especially in the last ten or so minutes and in the place of wisdom and caution, he found himself exercising irritability and spite.

"But she likes you more… she likes you the most actually." Fuji corrected after giving the paper another once over. "She's in love with you, she said so in the letter…" He glanced up to see the Buchou's left eye twitch. Fu fu, this could be fun…

He tilted his head slightly to the side and gave Tezuka a narrowed look. "Don't you like her too Tezuka? Kabura-san is a lovely girl… or perhaps you…"

Tezuka had a problem with the smile, he did NOT like the look that damn pansy boy was giving him and he KNOWS what pansy boy was thinking and so before the pansy bastard could say any more he uttered, "I. Hate. You" with toxic malice dripping from each word.

Fuji just smiled all too pleasantly.

A/N:

Ohisashiburi! A big THANKS to everyone who read and hopefully enjoyed it and an even bigger THANK YOU to those who left reviews… Luv ya!! As always, comments are welcome. Thanx again!

NEXT:

INTERLUDE: TEZUKA-BUCHOU TO FUJI-SEMPAI!!! RABU TORAIANGERU (love triangle)!!! NANI?!?!?!

snerk


	4. Interlude

DISCLAIMER: Ain't mine.

TO TEZUKA-SAN WITH LUUUUV 

**By: Chachachar**

**19.01.04**

**CHAPTER IV: Interlude - TEZUKA-BUCHOU TO FUJI-SEMPAI!!! RABU TORAIANGERU (love triangle)!!! NANI?!?!?!**

"Ne Eiji, did you notice something strange with Momo today?"

"Hmm, something was a little off… he's usually somewhat attentive at practice but today he's just gawking at Tezuka. I wonder if he has crush on Buchou…"

"Really? I thought he was gawking more at Fuji…" Oishi blatantly ignored the 'crush' comment, "but Tezuka, he seemed more… serious than usual."

"You mean more there-is-a-stick-up-my-ass-that's-making-me-uptight-and-cranky than usual."

"Ah ha ha…" Oishi couldn't help the sheepish laugh because, although he tried to articulate it politely in respect to Tezuka, Eiji phrased his thoughts precisely. Fortunately, before he could begin to worry about what was bothering his stern friend, Eiji called out to someone across the street.

There were actually two people across the street that Eiji hollered at. Faster than Oishi could say 'No Way', he found himself sitting beside Eiji with Momo and Echizen across a Wacdonald's table, treating all three to a 'snack'. Of course the term 'snack' should be used loosely since with Momo, a 'snack' was not JUST a snack… He could almost hear the pitiful sobs of his bereft wallet.

"So Momo, what's up with you today?" Oishi figured that he was entitled to some answers, after all HE was feeding Momo… and he was really concerned about his kouhai.

"What do you mean, Oishi-sempai" With his mouth stuffed with hamburgers, Momo seemed to have forgotten whatever it was that was bothering him.

Oishi was not one to be deterred so easily; he all ready paid dammit! "You were too busy staring at Fuji to pay attention to practice today."

"And Tezuka" Eiji interjected.

"You were too distracted." Oishi watched Momo paled slightly. He leaned forward a bit and asked quietly, "Did something happen, Momo?"

Echizen made an unintelligible noise while munching.

"Do you know something, Ochibi?" Eiji asked when Momo didn't seem forthcoming with an answer.

"Mada mada da ne." Was all they got. Go figure.

"Anou… Oishi-sempai… Eiji-sempai…" Momo fidgeted as his two sempai focused on him. "Something happened… and it could be big."

Another unintelligible noise came from Echizen but this time it was ignored. One more 'Mada mada da ne' was not worth Oishi's money.

"Does sempai-tachi know a Kabura-san?"

"Kabura Chiharu from Tezuka's homeroom, right?" Oishi confirmed.

"Yeah, she's tall for a girl with long hair and glasses, really smart and makes the top ten every term, right?" Eiji contributed.

"Really?" Momo's eyes were huge and he looked comical sitting there with that look on his face clutching a burger, "well, I don't know her… Is she pretty?"

Before Eiji could answer and tangent the conversation into a completely different direction, Oishi asked, now bordering on irritation, "What does Kabura-san have to do with anything?" Oishi considered himself to be very patient but even he, who was now broke and still did not have any answers, had limits.

"Well…" Momo slowly placed the hamburger down on his tray; his expression dead serious and Oishi felt that this was it. "Tezuka-buchou… Kabura-san…and Fuji-sempai are caught up in a…" Momo trailed off. Using his two index fingers and both his thumbs made a triangular shape and held it up at eye level.

Eiji gasped, Echizen snorted and Oishi just… stared.

Dumbly, he turned to his doubles partner who looked very surprised, if not a little scandalized. He turned back to look at Momo who was still holding up… whatever THAT meant.

"Really?" Eiji whispered.

"Yeah… we heard for ourselves, na Echizen?" Momo whispered back but the freshman only rolled his eyes.

"When?"

"Today!"

"You mean before practice?"

"Yeah when Ba-chan sent us to look for him and Fuji-sempai."

"So that's why they were late!"

"I don't get it." Oishi listened to the rapid-fire exchange of words between Momo and Eiji but became more and more confused by the second and WHAT THE HELL WAS MOMO'S HAND THING SUPPOSED TO BE?

Oishi was too lost to feel insulted when Eiji looked at him as if he was stupid.

"Oishi…" Eiji began in a whispered tone, slowly so that his poor doubles partner could keep up, "Tezuka… Kabura-san… and Fuji are caught up in a love triangle." Eiji ended with Momo's hand thing.

It took a couple of seconds for the meaning to sink in and then…

"NANI?"

"Not so loud Oishi!" Eiji looked around to see if anyone was eavesdropping.

"HOW?"

"Momo and Ochibi overheard" Eiji looked to Momo for confirmation. Momo nodded his head gravely.

"WHEN?"

"Today."

"You mean before practice?"

"Yeah, when they were looking for Tezuka and Fuji."

"THAT'S WHY TEZUKA AND FUJI WERE LATE?"

"It seems like it and keep it down Oishi."

"But I thought Inui and Kabura-san…"

"No, they're just good friends. Great minds think alike kinda thing."

Oishi looked like he was going to hyperventilate soon and so Echizen, in order to prevent it (or maybe help it along), decided to help his sempai to put things in perspective.

"Ne, does sempai-tachi remember how practice went today?" Echizen wanted to make sure he had their full attention. He didn't want to waste his breath after all. Seeing that Oishi was looking at him as if he was a lifeline and Eiji's excited gaze was on him, he continued his recount of that afternoon's events.

"When Ryuzaki-sensei asked if anyone had seen Buchou and Fuji-sempai, Inui-sempai said that he had asked Buchou to return something to one of his classmates for him on his way to see Sensei and Kawamura-sempai told her that Fuji-sempai went to give some pictures to the photography club. Since Buchou and Fuji-sempai were taking too long, she sent me to go look for them but then Momo-sempai tagged along." He paused to take a sip of his drink and to check if he still had their undivided attention. He did.

"We went up to Buchou's homeroom but right before we turned the corner we heard something fell and then a girl ran past us. Then we heard them talking."

"So that could be Kabura-san!" At this point Momo jumped in, all too eagerly, to tell the rest. Echizen thought that Momo had a penchant for stating the obvious.

"So, we heard them talking and it seemed like Kabura-san gave a love letter to Tezuka-buchou."

"Wah…" Eiji breathed out excitedly.

"But then Tezuka-buchou said that Kabura-san like Fuji-sempai too."

"Nya!"

"Yeah, but Fuji-sempai insisted that Kabura-san likes, NO, LOVES Tezuka-buchou!"

"Oh…"

"And he sounded kinda jealous."

"Really?"

"Yeah, he said something like… 'Don't you like Kabura-san? She's a lovely girl' then he was gonna say something else but Buchou cut him off. You know what Tezuka-buchou told him?"

"What?"

"I. Hate. You. And it really sounded like he meant it!"

"No!" This time it was Oishi.

"Yeah!"

All four remained quiet for a while. Oishi was beginning to agree with Momo; this could be big. Not only could this hurt the dynamics of the team, this could potentially hurt all of those involved. Fuji was in love with Kabura-san but Kabura-san loved Tezuka and Tezuka believed that Kabura-san also liked Fuji but how does Tezuka feel about Kabura-san?

"So, do you think Tezuka loves Kabura-san?" Oishi asked no one in particular.

"I think so. Tezuka sounded really mad at Fuji and I think it's because Tezuka's jealous 'cause he thinks that Kabura-san likes Fuji too." Eiji reasoned.

"Sou desu ne, Tezuka-buchou might also think that Fuji-sempai could steal Kabura-san away from him." Momo gave his two cents.

"What about Kabura-san?" Echizen piped up.

"What about her?" Oishi, very worried about the emotional state of his friends, almost forgot that Echizen was sitting with them.

"Who does she really like?"

"Tezuka."

"Tezuka-buchou."

"Tezuka."

"How can sempai-tachi be so sure?" Echizen was a little taken aback by the overwhelming response.

Eiji shrugged, "All the girls like Tezuka best."

The freshman could only blink stupidly at his sempai. He opened his mouth to utter his trademark line but Momo stuffed him with fries before a sound could leave.

N/A: Am I the only one laughing at this? I hope not… Please review! Also, I'VE GOT ME A BETA-READER!!! Everyone say hello to Yuki! Yuki, my dear, where have you been all my life? Mwha! Luv ya!

THANKYOU-S

**RoYale** – Yep, I've got me a MarySue and I'm very glad that you are enjoying it so far (despite the very low tolerance of the fandom for the genre). Thank you so much for the encouragement.

**Crimson Butterfly of the Snow** – Thank you very much for your time and I'm happy that you enjoyed it. I'll try very hard to keep up with your expectations for the next chapters.

NEXT: Chapter V Pause – Tezuka walks home with Inui and proceeds to interrogate him. Tezuka twitches some more. Inui gathers more data.


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